I accidentally had phone sex last night
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
