tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
