dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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