All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
If that was your dad, he is hot
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize