hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
