So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Let's get the cat blown out
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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