If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
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