dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
