my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
