Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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