i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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