it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
