She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Rumble strips road head = magical
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
