I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
How naked do you want me to be?
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