In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize