he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Randomize
