New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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