Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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