I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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