So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize