i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
