i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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