Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
