I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
