Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize