last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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