is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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