Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize