Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
