I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
