i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
