He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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