just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
