He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
