i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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