im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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