My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
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