I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
