And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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