youre lurking in front of me
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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