My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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