Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
