I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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