I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
