i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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