i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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