Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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