people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
