.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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