Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
