I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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