hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
