This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize