you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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