I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
