Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize