yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
love makes seman taste better
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
