saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
