That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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