sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize