I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
