I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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