She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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