I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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