you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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