Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
