Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
