its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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