Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize