awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Green mimosas i think yes
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
