So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
