Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I didn't shave. On purpose
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
