Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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