So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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