I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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