if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
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