ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
