i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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