Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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