I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
