He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
