I just cut my nipple shaving
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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