YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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