Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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