we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
