I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
