Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
