I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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