i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
