Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
The adults are the big ones right?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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