Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize