That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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