Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize