I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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