No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
