I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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