im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
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