i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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