if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize