i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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