dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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