im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
