My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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