I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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