this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
