worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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