i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
where are my eyebrows?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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