thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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