he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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